Here it is… My 10 Dating Rules. This isn’t a Top 10, nor is it in any particular order. Just some shit I had on my mind. I think my requests are pretty fair. I don’t ask for much… Can’t figure out why no one wants to go on a date with me :-\
#1 “Music comes first”
If I pick you up, we are listening to MY music until we get to our destination. You WILL NOT interrupt me singing! When I park, we will sit in the car until I’m done singing the song… or at least my favorite part. The date starts when I turn the car off
#2 “Don’t call without permission”
Yup… Permission. Me giving you my number isn’t grounds for you to just dial it all willy nilly! Text me first to see if I’m busy. 93% of the time I am too busy. So a simple courtesy text will help me prepare to answer your call. Otherwise I’m gonna be forced to ignore it and call you back when I’m free, which we all know is never.
#3 “I ain’t compliment you, so don’t be complimenting me”
I don’t know about y’all, but I feel uncomfortable when someone tells me I look good. I just don’t know how to respond. Do I just say “Thank you” or say something nice back? Too complicated. Keep that shit to yourself, or save it for a text when I can just brush it off.
#4 “You choose”
Don’t ask me to pick a spot. I’m indecisive. We’ll sit in the car the entire night if you leave it to me to choose where we go… Way cheaper anyways. Susan B. Anthony ain’t fight so y’all could sit back and let a man decide where you go out to eat. Take advantage of your rights!
#5 “Close your mouth”
Eat with your mouth SHUT. Absolutely no sound should be coming out your mouth while you’re chewing /eating. That shit is the biggest turn off. If I hear your saliva juices squishing the food around in your mouth, you’ll hear my broken exhaust as I’m driving off while you’re waiting for me to come back from the bathroom.
#6 “Do your homework”
Look thru my Twitter, FB and IG. Take notes. That way you know what I like already and we can spare me from having to talk so much. *Added bonus to stalking… You can see how crazy I am in advance so my actions don’t come as a surprise*
#7 “Don’t stalk me”
The followup to Rule #6. I know, I know… But hear me out. Pre-stalking is acceptable. To prepare you. But once you meet me, stay out my shit. If I don’t answer your text right away and you see me promoting music on Twitter, you’re gonna be upset. Save the headache.
#8 “No club dates”
Pretty self-explanatory. There is no way in Hell we’re going to a club for a date! You want a reason? Besides the fact that I hate clubs, it’s too loud inside. How you supposed to hear about all my awesomeness with Trinidad James and 2 Chainz blaring thru your ear drums? Let’s stick to a restaurant or nice bar. Thanks.
#9 “Maybe he’s busy”
Keep saying that to yourself everyday, throughout the day, and we might make it to a 3rd date. Trust me… The more you tell yourself this, the less you’ll hate me.
#10 “Be yourself”
Ok, for the last one I’ll be serious. Please don’t front like you’re into everything I’m into, just to impress me. I’ll know. I’m into a lot of unpopular shit so I wouldn’t expect you to like what I like. Just be honest.
So there you have it. Hopefully I ain’t bore you to death with my list. If I did, you’re welcome… I took you out of your misery. REMEMBER… keep your standards high, set your dating rules, and make them shits CLEAR. No matter how outrageous they are. Anyone wanna go out for dinner?