Swallow Your Pride


They say my Pride’ll be my downfall.
I let it stop me from getting help now it’s keeping me from around y’all.
It sounds more, like that piece of me ain’t been found or…
Maybe it ain’t lost, but in me. Just ain’t been accounted for.
I got a problem with asking for help.
Even when they offer it to me, I dodge em all. It’s like I’m practicing stealth.
I can patch this myself without the stacks and the wealth.
I’ll find a way to eat somehow without one snack on the shelf.
So scared of rejection…
I’ll struggle doing it alone and fail 10 times before I ask for direction.
I’m still balancing sections…
and humility’s somethin I need more of so let’s just add to the lesson
I know the people in my life that offer help are a blessing.
There’s so many of you offering your hand out and stretching
So I come off as unappreciative when I don’t accept it.
I just don’t wanna be a burden and I’m tired of questions.

They all say “Swallow Your Pride”
But when I try it hurts just like I downed a bottle of knives.
Swallow my pride…
I know I should cuz all my life I’ve just felt hollow inside

Last year they said I hit Rock Bottom, more like a boulder
Said “It can only go up from here”, as I sunk lower.
I’m pushing all this weight, too much for one man to shoulder.
Wishing every day would fly by, yet they go slower.
At least I’m sober… For the most part.
I only resort to those things when I’m feeling the tears swell up in my closed heart.
Tell you everything’s fine, know you don’t care bout my affliction.
When they ask how I’m doing all they really want’s my attention.
I don’t write about my hardships so you could show me some sympathy
I write it down and share it so you know what’s gotten into me.
I use it as a reminder, so I could remember this day.
I write this as a way of proof that I endured this pain
The fruit that I’m sure to gain. The roots from where life began.
I’ve been thru it all before. The truth is it all feels the same.
The only way to respect your progress is to see where you overcame
So when I make it through the fire I can look back and not fear the flames.

They all say “Swallow Your Pride”
But when I try it hurts just like I downed a bottle of knives.
Swallow my pride…
I know I should cuz all my life I’ve just felt hollow inside

Somebody please explain these nightmares, frights, terrors… What it is that I fear.
Dreams of fighting 12 on 1, Nah never is the fight fair.
I might tear… When talkin bout my kids and time shared.
It’s the only thing that touches me and because of that I’m beyond scared.
Scared of being heartless, scared that I’m too cold.
Scared I’ll never love someone, scared of these 2 holes…
In my face. Yeah I know, Most of you call them eyes.
I call em holes cuz there’s emptiness when you look into mine.
But when you look in my mind, there’s lots of love to be found.
The problem is I overthink so all my feelings be drowned.
Got a head full of knowledge and no idea what to do with it.
They all call me crazy, my actions lately have been proving it.
My thoughts are ruining… relationships as I’m pursuing them.
Convince myself they don’t want me, stop those feelings from moving in.
Can take a hint when she ain’t frank… Shit…
I even see the picture when the canvas is blank.
My motto: Think more with your GUT, less wit your heart. If it FEELS like they’re not into you, they’re probably not.

They all say “Swallow Your Pride”
But when I try it hurts just like I downed a bottle of knives.
Swallow my pride…
I know I should cuz all my life I’ve just felt hollow inside



Anger Management


“I wasn’t always on some MLK shit…
Violence and anger is in us all, part of human nature…
It’s just a matter of how you release it.
If you don’t know the old me, how can you really appreciate the new me?”

Afraid of NO man, tough guys spark no fear in me.
I laugh in the face of danger, funny when a clown nigga stares at me.
My rep precedes me. I’m winning easy, believe me.
But I got too much at stake now with so many that need me.
So I brush it off, I just walk away.
The fact that I let you go… To God, you oughta PRAY!
I ain’t the same today, I aim to play. Doin what this Guardian Angel say
Said that wasn’t ME, and told me I had to change my way.
Ashamed to say… I was walkin around so aimlessly,
Hoped someone would look at me funny just so I could break his face.
It’s safe to say, I have a short fuse.
But everybody gets mad so that’s a POOR excuse!
Words of an old person… I did some soul searching.
Found what I was missing now I’m FINALLY a whole person.
I’ve learned to channel this anger when dealing wit imminent dangers
You can do damage to a man, but still his ignorance lingers…

You see a nigga frowning, Do you care to know what’s behind it?
Ever search for somethin, not knowing what, but know that you’ll never find it?
Fuck this Deeeeemon! For the times that I almost lost HER
Or the time I let him get the best of me and I tossed her!
The holidays I ruined, every wall I punched right thru and
So much time in life I wasted being mad. Damn, how I blew it.
Yeah, I’m blaming him… But I gotta take the guilt
It’s like having no control but still you make the tilt.
My anger SOOO real, don’t get to pick and choose.
Take it out on the first person that steps in my view.
I’m talkin loved ones, friends, even the biggest of men.
Ignore their innocence, it makes no difference.
Hear these young women and men, BRAG bout how angry they get.
I find it hard to believe they have no control over it.
Shit don’t feel good at all to hurt a person you love.
So having a REAL problem is somethin they’d truly be scared of.


More Than Rhymes (My Vision)


An introduction… To who I am.
I’m not a rapper selling music about moving them grams.
Not here to talk about the guns I have or shooting a man.
Every bar I spit reflects my life as true as it can.
I have a message, and I will express it.
Some positivity mixed with this depression.
You won’t hear me call a woman a bitch, but I’m no saint.
Got my dirt but I choose colors to show the image I paint.
Holding a Pen and a Pad, Homie I been in the lab
Cooking up hits. And when I blow then I could sit and just laugh
About the good and the bad. Nigga I withstood the jabs
and I walked out the fight unscathed. Now I’m the victor AT LAST!
It’s MY TIME! Tho I ain’t tryin to shine.
It’s time for them to see my vision, this is more than rhymes.
It’s “pay your mortgage” time, Make sure your daughters’ fine.
And get our sons to college. Knowledge more than sure to find.
I’m spreading wisdom like a salesman door-to-door wit mine.
And I won’t quit until they hear me by the borderline.
So If I never sell a record I’ll be more than fine.
To touch a couple lives with words will make ya boy defined.
You see I’m smarter than your average, wise for my years b.
I try to share my thoughts but it’s like nobody hears me.
It’s clearly, getting to me so severely.
I’m wary of the very thing that’s carried me and steered me…
Nigga I been there, been scared. Friends lost, been teared!
Battled with my own addiction. Been loved, been feared.
Been down enough paths to give you all direction.
So when you’re feeling lost, feel free to come and collect it.

“I will be heard… Even if they don’t wanna hear me… It’s only the beginning”

Real Talk with GOD


Mind full of Suicidal thoughts…
Then I get mad at myself for being selfish,
But LORD, I pulled YOU aside to talk.
And you had no words for me, not even a nod.
So I took it as you were too busy and being a snob.
I thought of all the times I did the right thing, believing in GOD.
Now I’m pleading at your doorstep, you know I needed this job.
Or what about the time I was heartless and stealing for props
I listened to you and didn’t do it, even tho he was easy to rob.

I mean, I’ve changed my ways…
I’m still alive so I’m thankful for these rainy days.
And after every storm a rainbow comes to take its place.
But how much longer will it be before you make your waves?
I know I’ve done wrong, but I’m a much better man.
I’ve survived some hard conditions only tough leather can
I went from “Never can” to “settling” and now I know I’m “better than”
Success at hand… I’ve outgrown that rough mess of a man.

So why does it feel like you’re never even here for me?
Sometimes I wonder if you ever even cared for me!
Put my faith in you, but didn’t feel your love for me
Bet if I revert to my bad ways, you won’t forget to punish me!
So can you blame me for feeling rejected?
A child will only do good for so long if he sees that no one respects it
I don’t need praise for all my deeds but they can’t always seem neglected
So can you show me I’m doing right WITHOUT being requested?!

I’m scared… I need you more than ever right now
Nothing but dark thoughts inside, I’m with the Devil right now.
Stressed to the point I feel I’d rather be in heaven right now.
Everyday i wish my life was over, End it right now
This is REAL TALK, I know it sounds bad…
But what’s the point of lying? You know what’s inside my head.
I could sit here and tell you just what you wanna hear.
Instead I tell you how I feel and PRAY I catch your ear

Walking Contradiction


“After this one, you’re either gonna love me…
Or you’re gonna love me.
The choice is yours… No pressure”

Troubled Soul… His gun he loads.
Ticking timebomb ready to explode.
Heart is cold just under 40 below.
Inside his chest it snows, organs already froze.
Ignore their calls then wonder why I’m alone.
Now things are complicated between me and my phone.
Tell em DON’T call, but hurt they actually listen.
So I’m ANGRY when she call, feeling sad that she didn’t.
Gloom… I lock MYSELF in this room.
And take away all these windows. 4 empty walls, My VIEW!
Feeling hopeless and inspired at the same time.
I start writing, end up quitting on the same LINE!
Damn, I missed her call… phone on silent.
But I don’t waste my breath, cuz she won’t buy it.
She knows I wasn’t tryin. Knows that I looked right by it.
Every time I hit “Ignore”, she knows it and knows I’m lyin. SHIT!

Some say I’m too nice, some say an Asshole!
I say I’m Bipolar tryna let the LATTER go.
When I say I’m smarter than you or tell you that I’m a Genius,
I don’t say it cuz it’s funny, I say it because I mean it!
Humble as they come, tho I’m better than most.
So I sit back, watch em try. Laugh at them as they boast.
Dying to be loved but I’m quick to run away from it.
Know she the right one… STILL want more space from her.
So now her days numbered, but I won’t tell her that.
Instead I dodge her calls, treat her like a sales rep.
I’m a piece of SHIT! But I love me.
At least that’s what I say… so they don’t judge me.
Loner that wants company. Shy, craving attention.
Hate lookin in mirrors but stay taking nude pictures.
Practice peace while Anger is my addiction.
It’s like I’m battling myself and this life is a contradiction.

“I’m not much different from yall…
Difference is, I admit to all my flaws.
You should try it some time”

*DISCLAIMER: The image above is an artistic representation of the mood I felt when writing this.

This is ART… meant to catch your eye, then your mind. I do not condone drug use or the use of guns for violence.*

Welcome Back, Stress…


Welcome Back, Stress/
Been a while since we last met/
Last time we spoke, you said I’d still be broke/
And I ain’t seen no cash yet/
Every message I ever got from you,
seemed so logical/
But I gotta keep my distance,
my family ain’t too fond of you/
Only way to get rid of you/
drugs or happiness/
Neither ever last so I end up lost, boy/
No love or peace, just nappiness/
No shower, no food/ no power, just truth/
Prestige can feel my pain BEFORE I step into the booth/
So reality sets in and you’re right back at my doorstep/
Easing your way in and I ain’t even crack the door yet/
Weight of the World at 8 but my body can only push 4 reps/
Working just my biceps, I ain’t get to build on my core yet/
Strong as a Corvette…
but ain’t seen no wars yet/
Get tossed out in the field, no shield/
See how cruel this World gets/
I still try to push you away/
Music’s the key to blocking you out/
But there’s different ways to my Mind/
and you know all the alternate routes/
My heart’s tryna let you in/
but my brain stay tryna talk you out/
A 4-way convo by myself/
wit NO CLUE¬† what the FUCK I’m talkin about!/
So I stop…
Look around to make sure I’m all alone/
Am I crazy?!”:
That’s a whole ‘nother topic on its own/
Why don’t you allow me to sleep?
Why can’t you allow me this day?
Why won’t you let me forget all the pain that stands in my way?
I swear you’re just like a black cloud
Only showing me night/
Soon as my future’s lookin bright I know we’ll just reunite/
Every ounce of hope I find/
Every smile that’s actually mine/
With every ray of sunshine/
You creep in and fog my mind/
But no matter when you show up/
No matter what sad song you play/
I know its only temporary/
No matter how long you stay

– @TrisTheBarber