Swallow Your Pride

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They say my Pride’ll be my downfall.
I let it stop me from getting help now it’s keeping me from around y’all.
It sounds more, like that piece of me ain’t been found or…
Maybe it ain’t lost, but in me. Just ain’t been accounted for.
I got a problem with asking for help.
Even when they offer it to me, I dodge em all. It’s like I’m practicing stealth.
I can patch this myself without the stacks and the wealth.
I’ll find a way to eat somehow without one snack on the shelf.
So scared of rejection…
I’ll struggle doing it alone and fail 10 times before I ask for direction.
I’m still balancing sections…
and humility’s somethin I need more of so let’s just add to the lesson
I know the people in my life that offer help are a blessing.
There’s so many of you offering your hand out and stretching
So I come off as unappreciative when I don’t accept it.
I just don’t wanna be a burden and I’m tired of questions.

They all say “Swallow Your Pride”
But when I try it hurts just like I downed a bottle of knives.
Swallow my pride…
I know I should cuz all my life I’ve just felt hollow inside

Last year they said I hit Rock Bottom, more like a boulder
Said “It can only go up from here”, as I sunk lower.
I’m pushing all this weight, too much for one man to shoulder.
Wishing every day would fly by, yet they go slower.
At least I’m sober… For the most part.
I only resort to those things when I’m feeling the tears swell up in my closed heart.
Tell you everything’s fine, know you don’t care bout my affliction.
When they ask how I’m doing all they really want’s my attention.
I don’t write about my hardships so you could show me some sympathy
I write it down and share it so you know what’s gotten into me.
I use it as a reminder, so I could remember this day.
I write this as a way of proof that I endured this pain
The fruit that I’m sure to gain. The roots from where life began.
I’ve been thru it all before. The truth is it all feels the same.
The only way to respect your progress is to see where you overcame
So when I make it through the fire I can look back and not fear the flames.

They all say “Swallow Your Pride”
But when I try it hurts just like I downed a bottle of knives.
Swallow my pride…
I know I should cuz all my life I’ve just felt hollow inside

Somebody please explain these nightmares, frights, terrors… What it is that I fear.
Dreams of fighting 12 on 1, Nah never is the fight fair.
I might tear… When talkin bout my kids and time shared.
It’s the only thing that touches me and because of that I’m beyond scared.
Scared of being heartless, scared that I’m too cold.
Scared I’ll never love someone, scared of these 2 holes…
In my face. Yeah I know, Most of you call them eyes.
I call em holes cuz there’s emptiness when you look into mine.
But when you look in my mind, there’s lots of love to be found.
The problem is I overthink so all my feelings be drowned.
Got a head full of knowledge and no idea what to do with it.
They all call me crazy, my actions lately have been proving it.
My thoughts are ruining… relationships as I’m pursuing them.
Convince myself they don’t want me, stop those feelings from moving in.
Can take a hint when she ain’t frank… Shit…
I even see the picture when the canvas is blank.
My motto: Think more with your GUT, less wit your heart. If it FEELS like they’re not into you, they’re probably not.

They all say “Swallow Your Pride”
But when I try it hurts just like I downed a bottle of knives.
Swallow my pride…
I know I should cuz all my life I’ve just felt hollow inside

-@TrisTheBarber

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2 thoughts on “Swallow Your Pride

  1. Soooooo….I clicked on your IG , saw this link, first few words caught my eye, and I’d like to say I’m like officially your biggest fan lol. This was so beyond relateable to me I kinda feel sick lol. Absolutely amazing. Amazing amazing amazing. And I wouldn’t just say that. You can really tell why you’re a Joey fan now lol. I should talk to you about this. I always wanted to do a blog but have no clue. Well again, I appreciated this so much. Thank you for this!

    • Thank you SO MUCH! I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I haven’t written in almost a year now, at that time I was writing a new one at least every week. Sometimes I wanna get back into it, but it was such a low point in my life that I’m kinda scared to get anywhere near it (Plus blogging and poetry consumed every moment of my life). I would love to help you get started tho. Let me know and maybe we could work together. Also, I always knew if you read one of these you’d relate to it. I could just feel it in your posts. Lol. When you have time, please read “Walking Contradiction” and let me know how you feel. Thanks again Vick!

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